long live kiddo, as long as you have Allah, you’ll be fine

in this dunya oh Allah, i only have you who i return to, i have wholeheartedly accepted if my depression is a terminal illness that i have to live forever with, i accept your decree oh Allah, i do not want to lose hope in your mercy, even when the people of this dunya hurt me, especially when all my being is left tolerated, my love unappreciated and my efforts wasted, help me oh Allah, send me whatever good you have for me, i am in need of it

i am so heartbroken by this dunya, but i live for the sake of you, i love for the sake of you, and i’ll try for the sake of you, make it easy for me, wahai tuhanku

happy birthday.

in another life maybe it would’ve been easier.

and in this lifetime i have loved you for so long.

time is a curious thing.

alas, 18 years has been so long.

oh Allah, my heart continues to ache, this pain has never felt unfamiliar, but every time it struck upon me, i become paralysed, patience is the most bitter thing one has to endure right now, and i have waited 25 years long. i never really asked to feel such way but ultimately you own this heart and you inspire me to make continuous dua, isn't that the biggest of signs that you are going to grant my wishes? why am i still in the depths of my agony. i feel like im going insane.

sakit ya Allah.

the wait has been so long, and i am still in so much pain.

i do not want to lose hope but my patience is tested every single day.

forgive me dear lord.

i still get sad whenever i think about it.

dear Allah,

i woke up for night prayers ever since

to talk to you

to speak to you

over the comfort of sleep

over the comfort of rest

in every prostration i whispered and begged

that you make us your beloved

and that you reunite us in the most beautiful way

i am far from being a good person

but ive been trying ever since

you allowed this heart to love again

forgive me dear Allah

forgive us

bestow your blessings upon us ya Mujeeb

ya Qaadir