Dumping racing thoughts:
These days, whether I realise it fully or not, I feel like I am still in such a denial state. I find it very easy to distract myself from ‘feeling a certain way’ by making myself believe that it’s too much of a hassle and the easy way out is to ignore such feelings. I keep saying that I am at the point where I don’t feel attracted to anyone but am I really /not/ attracted to anyone or I’m just in denial to actually admit it, even to myself? Am I that scared to admit because of the believe that admitting something will make it somewhat official and ‘true’. Huh, still a question I am unable to answer. I also came to the conclusion that I am too tired to initiate or be involved in talking stages at this point in time. Also, even if I were to be attracted to someone, unless they make the first move, I would just immediately give up without even giving a try. I think I’m too old for this and I really don’t know how people do all these…weird stuff that I am not familiar with. I like to believe that I am focusing more on my career growth but occasionally I do think about this, not because of peer-pressure, but more of a thought of what will it look like in a few years time and will I ever meet someone at this time and age when I don’t foresee myself having the energy to commit into a relationship any time soon.
But then again, raising the same question, will I remain staying put if there is attraction? Sampai bila can I go on like this before I start to feel a little bit of annoyance?
I have no answers right now.
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