I've lost something crucial for more than 7 months. I've lost something that made me strong back in the day when I was still in high school. I had no idea what I've been missing all this while until yesterday night, when I was destined that He'd knock my heart.
I miss Surau Al-Muttaqin.
That place reminds me of peace. I feel content whenever I'm there. I used to cry and sob a lot there, I prayed to Him I'd get better and stronger each day. I used to do that every single day. I used to talk to Him early in the morning before anyone else got up from bed. And for every time I had the chance to confess everything that burdened me, I found peace within me. I miss that feeling. I've lost it.
Yesterday, I went to an usrah that was led by our seniors at our small surau here. At first I was a bit reluctant, I didn't feel like going but when my friends insisted me of joining them, I couldn't say no.
I tried my best to open up my heart, listening to my senior delivering his speech. I almost cried because I've forgotten how peaceful I was back then when I sat on the floor, listening to every tazkirah that was given whether from my ustazs or my friends or even guests, I missed how it felt back then, how it made me strong, how it made me feel that this world isn't going to last forever and we're all going to face death eventually. And that, made me strong, because I could care less about the society's expectations, I'd only live to please my Lord.
Eventually, everything falls back into its place.
It doesn't matter whether you're rich or poor, you're strong or weak. It doesn't matter in the hereafter.
After all, we're just humans, and what differentiate us from each other is only the level of our iman.